TV, Changing Status Quo (nonfiction article)

“Gotta’ watch Oprah.” “Can’t miss Survivor.” “What was that about plastic bottles?” “Where was that earthquake?” Do you live with TV “as is” or simply walk away and live without it? TV provides a break from our daily strife; it’s useful for learning and discovering the world. It’s an amiable distraction and a cheap form of entertainment. That’s why we can’t live without it. Admit it; we’re hooked!

However, there are reasons to despise television, to want to change the status quo. Perhaps the biggest reason is being bombarded with commercials and their uncensored volume spikes. Yet, the list doesn’t end there. What about the once-upon-a-time movie nights, or the short six-week time slots allotted to the regular shows these days? Aren’t we being dollared to death by the cable and satellite companies for all those little extras? And, haven’t we all felt agitated by being forced to watch a deluge of information on one overdone topic?

Enough already. The anchors rush to the sight and give a play by play description, like Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Although a horrific story, the news stations jumped on this disaster sending Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer and Lester Holt, to name a few. Weren’t there enough assigned reporters already on the scene? Some viewers liked seeing their favorite newsperson. However, many more abhorred their blatant disrespect, like when the bodies lay strewn all around, and an anchor person appeared “in high heels and earrings.” Did those headline hunters seek humanity or ratings?

And, right along with their brazen reportage, we were attacked by commercials before, during and after their five minutes of fame. What about all the time wasted on ads? It seems this phenomenon has gone bonkers since the golden age of “Father Knows Best” and “Leave It to Beaver.” Today, even the nightly newscasters advertise what they are going to say before they say it.

You’ve seen it. The newsperson comes on and gives a ten second spiel of what she’ll talk about and then you hear “…coming up right after the break.” And, off we go to commercial land. Now, if you took this opportunity to let the dog out, as I do, by the time you return, you’ll discover that the all-important news flash has long since vanished. Instead, you’ll be informed of what the next blip is and off you’ll go to la-la, ad-land again.

While these ads play out, you think, time to put on the PJs, brush your teeth, or whatever else you do before propping up the pillow and settling in for what’s left of the news. What? “Where was that robbery? Who saved the day?” And so you pull the blanket over your head and drift off, wondering, why did I even bother?

Sometimes I also revolt when the news gives too little coverage, like the night I was jarred awake at 4:00 A.M, sat up, and shot daggers at my dog lying at the end of the bed. I started to scold him for interrupting my sleep when I felt the thump, thump again. He hadn’t moved. That’s when it hit me—Earthquake!

I watched the morning, noon, and suppertime news. Nothing! No mention of an earthquake. I considered that I might have imagined the whole thing until that night. As I readied myself again for some much needed slumber, I heard the newsman state, “A 4.3 earthquake rocked the Inland Empire around 4:00 A.M.—no damage reported.”

What? That’s it? Did I miss their earlier broadcasts? Nooo! My neighbors also devoured the news that day and finally caught the blip on the late night news. This was the only mention of our sleep shattering earthquake. Not important enough to give us little ole humans a full minute or two of coverage. Nope!

On the other hand, when a 5.4 earthquake hit Borrego Springs, California, the newscasters couldn’t stop talking about it and squeezed every last can that fell off a shelf into its reporting. Of course, I admit, that one was a wee bit stronger.

Another night I heard a newscaster mention power outages and bottled water which, naturally, “…will be coming up after these words from our sponsor.” I am still wondering if that was something important, something I should have heard. But, I didn’t catch the ten-second blip because I flushed the toilet.

As for holding first place honors, commercials are on top of my complaint list. I’ve actually kept notes on the length of them verses show time. Some lasted as long as six minutes, followed by four minutes of drama, three more minutes of advertising, back to six minutes of show time. Well, you get the gist. I spent hours on these notes, but rather than dive into my waterless pool, I decided to shred them. Way too depressing. Just the same, we are forced to live with these time-zapping ads, at least those of us who can still stomach the boob tube.

Another true, but disheartening fact is that today’s hour-long shows, the ones we dearly love and follow, appear on TV for only six to eight weeks and then disappear. You know, CSI, Gray’s Anatomy, The Mentalist, Survivor and—(your favorite here). By mid-January some come back for another six weeks and then they’re gone— kaput for the season, and we’re in for—yep—reruns, leaving many to wile away the summer with Solitaire, Frisbee, or nail biting.

If you are a movie buff as I am, you probably notice that hardly any good movies appear on TV anymore. One solution would be to chip in an extra forty to eighty bucks for the pay channels. At least then, you’ll avoid that guy screaming, “CALL US FAST. THIS OFFER WON’T LAST.” That’s why you’re watching that commercial-free movie, right? But wait! You already saw it at the theater or rented it from Netflac. Or is it Aflix?

So, you flip to another pay channel and Voila! It’s a film you haven’t seen. However, it’s way out there, trash, or, you think, I’d be better off watching the squirrels forage for their winter stash. But then, you remember you live in southern California and haven’t seen a squirrel in years.

Occasionally, a Sunday night movie appears on the regular channels—the ones you don’t have to pay extra for, but loaded with commercials. However, that’s maybe, once every two or three months and usually it’s a Hallmark movie. “God bless Hallmark!” Heck! I even like their commercials. Maybe I’ve become brainwashed. So? Hallmark’s commercials are okay by me.

Have you seen that commercial where you can hang the TV on the wall? Now there’s an advertisement after my own heart. I say go ahead, show it off; hang that TV on the wall. After the trillions of ads you’ve watched, you earned the trophy.

Is it my imagination or are those commercial gurus trying to outdo each other by pumping up the volume? Sure, there’s a gadget available to adjust the volume. However, I’m not an advocate of spending my hard-earned cash on more gadgets. In fact, I think the networks should adjust their volume to please their viewers. If they won’t, then we should lobby for stiffer regulations. In the meantime, I turn the volume down at each commercial and back up to hear Simon Baker’s witty remarks. Even my Shih Tzu barks at the TV when the commercials get too loud. Sometimes, when there’s a doorbell sound on the TV, he darts to the front of the house, yipping and pawing at the door. So, I keep the remote in hand, finger poised on the volume—down, up, down, up. Maybe, I could try out for the most limber index finger contest.

Do you ever feel dollared to death by TV’s cagey providers? You’ve got to know they have upped their profits immensely by attaching separate fees to the Box, HD, extended basic, movie channels, Pay-for-View and—one more—the remote. Maybe you don’t mind these extra charges. After all, it allows you to record a bunch of shows while watching movies commercial free. Hah! But don’t forget, any package you choose likely includes those like ABC, CBS, NBC—the ones that carry the local news. And, these come complete with—Dah, tah, dah, tah, dah—Commercials.

TV should work like a computer where a person is only charged for the power and internet connection. Then for a one-time charge, the gadget inventors could add a tiny button that would delete all those annoying commercials. (I’d buy that gadget.) Lacking this, the sponsors could agree to shorter, five-second blips…say, twice a year. Wishful thinking, right? As a matter of fact, the advertisers will probably want to censor this article for even suggesting it.

My advice is to keep a book or magazine handy to read during those ads, play Solitaire on your laptop, think of TV as background noise, or pull the plug. Of course, you could just ignore the problem; maybe it will go away. (Kind of like how many people deal with politicians.) However, if you don’t want to settle for whatever the networks decide to dole out, then complain. Gather up your friends, relatives, even enemies and send lots of emails to all the networks and congress. If enough speak out, they will listen. (Kind of like, if you build it, they will come.) Okay, I’ll climb down off my soapbox now. Besides, it’s time for “Survivor.”